J e r e m y R y a n

Simplicity vs Style

Simplicity:
every guy wants a sweet girl next door type of chick. those he can trust while he's out doing stuff clear of his heart. etc; ns la, work la, other fucking shit. THE FUCKING WORD IS TRUST!! he wants the feeling when he's in camp, serving his god damn ass out, he's girl is at home or somewhere doing things not against his back. if like clubbing with frds that they both know or trust 100% is diff. for etc, kc knows if i club with his girl & frds nothing will happen, cause he trust me & i'm not a BIRD MAN! & my clubbing attitude as i blogged before is diff, just simply diff. which guy doesnt want his chick to stick by him? but it must be mutual la of course. dun every man out there also want his wife to be to be a virgin. ok la, gonna sound a bit crude. but we are brought up in this society, if a guy & girl are together for 1yr or more, sure ho seh liao. tio boh? can find virgin bride, u dan gu jiu wu i remembered 1 colleague of mine told me. chinese to english; virgin hard to find, got hole can already i was like, WTF? but true la. come to think of it. a simple girl who knows her limits, know wat is she doing, be so true, faithful, devoted to u is DAMN HARD TO FIND! u might not believe, but JR CAN DO THAT!! to her. cause all i can give is my 1 sincere heart out there. thats y, i'm simple. however, i know wat is needed. there's no demand for anyone to change. just a sms I kept. Dun ya-ya lar, who says wana change 4u! naughty boy must let naughty girl bully 1 mah! 02:05:52pm / 01-04-04
its a cruel & harsh world out there, unlike Duran Duran's - Ordinary World how tough is it, for someone to be so true to his or her partner. I CAN, CAN U? sigh...Simplicity.

Style:
everyone wants a stylish, glam partner. which guy doesnt want a hot chick holding his hand, kissing & hugging him? jiao wei right? but, have u seen hot chicks with CMI guys? physcial appearance is the factor in CMI. but who da fuck knows he could be LOADED with nothing but $$ yes, his girl could look so pretty & hot everytime he sees her. with make up one & stuff. but have he ever once told her this sentence:"u looked really beautiful today." I did that to someone. be it because she's wearing something u bought or diff makeup or watever. but to me, its THAT FEELING u suddenly get that can beat the famous 3 words - I Love You dun u agree? physical appearance, face will last u how long? u wanna be with someone because of the style he or she has? the $ they have? the assets they own? the fucking pretty face or eye-candy shit? limbeh buei hiao ki long pia? if u plan to settle down with her, if u really love her, 20yrs down the road, I will tell her this words:"I never regretted for chasing U so long, taking all the SHIT, going through every Up & Down, cause I know the bond between US is so strong with the trust & love that I can truly say, I will be with U forever & that I'm ur 1 & only soulmate." thats something style won't give u for a long time. but i guess, no one can really know wat they want & wat more they want right? to me, i feel, the more Handsome or Pretty u are, the richer u are, the more u will be UNGRATEFUL & will take things for GRANTED. to keep up with style, i know every single thing i bought with my sweat blood money was worth it. never once signed or key my pin & said; FUCK! wasting $ dunno also worth it anot. sigh... Style.

ok, now for the "adventures" of today. had lunch with my GOD MA! good thing she dint freak out on seeing me & my tattoos. treated me to a good bowl of Pork Porridge & Teh Ping. was talking to her bout my mom & her kids. she realised too, her son might be like me. heh, is it bad being like me? ;) i dun mind aaron getting tattoos or piercings or drinking or smoking. just dun take for granted things & pls dun get that fucking LAN JIAO KNN NO RESPECT LOW LIFE MOTHER FUCKING ATTITUDE from ppl... :) gd thing u still in primary sch. heng sai. later, met up with denise mei & kc & then had dinner at kc's hse with his dad's childhood frd's daughter... :) good meeting his folks as Mr Peter taught me a good way to test drive cars. heh, its between us eh? as usual, guys play games & watch tv while the girls get bored. getting sleepy. quote of the day : In the game of life, heredity deals the hand, and society makes the rules; but you can still play your own cards. nites.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 1:40 AM

just woke up. been in a hellacious sms session. dun ask so much, i talk about it later. i realised everyone has started sch cept me. i've gotta go do my fucking timetable in this week, if not i'll be a lost sheep in sch once it opens. repeating 2 modules, oh ya, how nice, let nature takes it course. someone gonna pass out soon, someone gonna ord soon. of course being that position when u feel on top, when u feel everything is going ur way, u can say let nature takes it course. Yr 2 Sem 1 is gonna be hellllll man. who gives a fuck anyway. i ain't someone who begs for care & concern from everyone. die also die alone. my fucking car's gone. i repeat. MY FUCKING CAR IS GONE. i've cleared her last carbon last night. used up about half tank, driving alone in the island. played with old Sunnys to new Sunnys. hell, fuck the Cefiros too. Civics EG & EKs, fuck u too man. last night was dedicated to myself. Slept at 7am why? cause i had to take a fucking break from reality.

FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME IN MY LIFE, I FEEL SO FUCKING INFERIOR TO EVERYONE ELSE!! hell, u think i wanna study in MIT which i dunno wtf am i learning about? dun i wanna make $ tons of it. who doesnt? hell yeah, able to afford & maintain an EVO, if there's a free one for grabs at taka, put ur fucking face on the car, i would put my fucking face on the car. u wanna fuck around, fuck u man. I CAN'T PUT MY HIGH UP HEAD NO MORE thanks to those fucking insults, comments. i can FUCK ANYONE, DO ANYTHING in the past. but now, I CAN'T. i simply cant. i'm fucking wounded. Pride's got scarred. every mother fucker out there thinks i'm loaded. the only thing i'm loaded with, is enough fuck, to fuck u up if u push me to the extreme. i've lost it homies. The once High & Mighty JR has fallen period. Stop comparing? i'm fucking learning how to be HUMBLE. to know my weak points, to try to be better. i dun have my OWN RIDE. ya, i know how to ride a bike but matter of fact, i ain't getting one. ya, i can drive, but matter of fact, i dun have the $ to maintain 1. humility. i'm going through that phrase. i have to humble myself. there are alot of things i can't do no more. no more driving alone, enjoying the breeze, chilling. i dun tell the whole world how sorry i am. i prefer taking it on the roads

this yr of 2004 is gonna be living HELL as fated. let nature takes it course. wow, its so nice man. i hate authority & nature. but i cant do anything. cause everytime i wanna do something, i get HIT BACK SO FUCKING HARD IN MY FACE. mocking, insults. why still go through it? here's a phrase in hokkien lang gong wa boh tao nao, pat lang wu siao eh, li ko lai. tio, wu tampoh chance, dan li ai kua lang kar yi siao eh lua gu liao. ok, buei yao kin. pat lang chio wa, gong wa bey ki, kua wa bey ki, an zua wa mai ka yi ki? wa hor lang gong. wa diam diam mai chut xiah. sibei pai jiak, limbeh mai si jiak. ying wei, limbeh ai ou simi si QIAN XU.

just can't believe i'm so inferior. seen enough of the world, enough of the fucking hypocrites, backstabbers, fake shells. how far can i run? how long can i endure? i dunno. this blog is dedicated to Every True & Honest Human Being Out There (but, come to think of it again, is there 1 out of a million?)

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:15 PM

had a good walk alone just now despite of my ankle. went to uncle gerrard with bro alf to add scenary to my frog. had 3 reviews. bro say nice, alex say beng, she said beng too. hmmm, i wonder, wat does a beng means? anyway, first time it hurts like fuck. ankle & below. hot. no pain no gain. but all credit goes to uncle for his creative mind bare hand draw, no stencil. cool rocks with grass & lillies. heh. is it beng? i dunno, u tell me. any defination of beng? gold chain, tattoo, smoke, drink, listen techno & so on. are these qualities of wat a beng possess? funny how it seems that wat my officer told me last time & now 2004, beng has changed. no more, fights, killings, whoring, illegal gang activities, intimidation, rioting & so on. AH-BENG. me? perhaps?

referring to bro alf blog; quoted "why do girls look out for handsome, rich, driving, smart guys? why can't ugly people with no money, no cars, no looks, dumb guys get a girl? isn't it unfair. can't a true and sincere heart move a girl's heart? " this is a gd point. i dun have a answer for this. all i know is, the world has changed. extinct dinosaurs like us are gonna get wiped out sooner or later. it's a materialistic world out there. everyone single one of us is too. i dun deny that fact. of course i want my car, apartment, cash, & other assets, WTF doesnt want them? sigh. but end of the day. i can tell myself honestly & truthfully, all i did was wat a heart was made for. it was given not to pump the fucking blood all over, but to love, to feel sad, to be happy, to be jealous, to fight. to everything.

JR IS DEAD TIRED. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FATE PLANNED FOR ME TO DO. EVEN SOMETHINGS THAT NOT FATED FOR ME, I ALSO TRIED MY FUCKING BEST TO MAKE IT SWEET, MAKE IT PERFECT. BUT I KNOW, I'M NOT A PERFECT PERSON. I HAVE MY FLAWS TOO. words can never describe how i feel most of the times. sad, happy are just 2 complex for me to use. call me an idiot, going to somewhere whom everyone thinks there's no ending. but thats wat ppl think. i dun think that way. just like a salmon going against the current. all the songs i'm listening now doesnt really gives me any side effects. i dunno where is peel-fresh, maybe just somewhere out there. i feel like its OUT of REACH to me. something too high up to get & i will fall so badly time & time after attempting it. so much hurt so much pain, is nothing to complain about. i still have swallow every other critism that i get shot at. PRIDE? lost it. ppl, face it. seriously. take time off to be alone. FACE the FUCKING reality of life.

Lorencze, i remember in my fucking head for gd wat u told me before. What's urs, is urs. What's never urs, is never urs. BUT. U can ALWAYS GIVE A SHOT AT IT! that's wtf i'm doing right now. i believe my Marist senior of 12 or 15 yrs is not wrong. anyway, i hope my dad's car can be settled ASAP & i mean ASAP. to see it "disappear" in front of me, makes me SICK. hey sis, enjoy ur dvd night with ur frds, dun ka jiao me can liao. gonna find salem & talk to him. nitey nites. can i sleep w/o tossing tonight? wanna let out 1 big SIGH thanks.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:34 AM

hey sis, Happy 16th Birthday! may u enjoy a sweet sixteen bday. ur bro here cant decide on wat to get u, so i'll just give u a $50 bucks ang bao thats the least i could do i guess. i hope that can make u happy. i got no idea on wat to get for u seriously. a sweatshirt is pointless here in sg, u have tons of clothes, accesssories are abundant for u, shoes, slippers. u can never follow the fashion season. just spend ur $50 wisely. love u always, ur bro jr.

y am i blogging at 5am again. i just cant sleep. fuck, i dunno y. fuck the throat, its not the one making me awake full of energy. but its the moffats song that has been ringing in my head...

Here we are
You tell me I'm the only one that makes you feel love again
There you go
I see you watching him when you don't think I know
Should I let you go

So who's it gonna be
Is it him or me

Who do you love Who do you need
Messin up my mind Wastin all my time
Who do you love What do you feel
Stop playin with my heart Tearin my apart
Am I the one who can make you fly up above
Is it me who can take you higher than you're dreamin of
Now who do you love

Turn around
Do you really think you'd play me like a fool for you
Then i realize
When you touch me it's like nothing I have know
Could I let you go

So who's it gonna be
Is it him or me

my 4lettername old frd, this is for u. perhaps, u may think its been kinda draggy, whiny & stuff. but u dunno wat does it feel to be the one pushing harder than anyone else. dun think i'm blowing my own trumpet or telling the whole world wtf i'm. i'm not saying i'm terrific or wat, no. its just from my point of view, going the xtra mile, being sincere is diff from hooking up, trying to get laid (meaning get a fuck). sue me for being blunt but, getting a fuck is wat turns me off. i hate it when ppl go clubbing just to get free make out sessions, hands all over, asking "ur place my place?", hooking up, cheap thrills & so on. it makes me sick. cause i was NEVER EVER like that. my clubbing attitude is for frds to relax, chill, have a clean & good conversation, not for each other to fuck around. pay for ur fucking pussy at brothels. that is $=sex not making love. its just there are many things that cant be explain or typing out here. u gotta go through it, to feel wat makes u have feelings be it gd or bad to anyone. is it so hard to be true to ur actions, ur principles? i dun crave for a pat on my back saying "well done jr, u have been so nice". its so stereotyped, everything is just so artificial. i feel disgusted at times when ppl i know do stupid things without thinking. it makes u no diff from a fucking zoo animal. cant just anyone see the light... i dunno la, most of my frds think i'm the relax, happy go lucky sort. i'm but to a certain extend. JR has changed i guess. just very insecure deep down inside, no confidence in almost everything i do. no point in me blabbing, cause nothing's gonna change nothing. no one owes anyone anything. u dun call the shots, up there does. fate might decide some stuff for u, but as for me, i prefer fucking around with fate & luck. i would rather twist my already twisted life more then let others twist it. *smokes a stick*

my mom's awake. its 5.30 yet i'm not a single bit sleepy. sch gonna reopen, ppl gonna pass out, ppl gonna finish ns, ppl gonna go in ns. what lies ahead? what will fate picture for me? i rather not know, cause all i know for 19yrs is, jr doesnt get anything gd. morning peeps, brush ur teeth & eat ur kayu gu yu & eggs.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:51 AM

just woke up realising, nothing happens ur way, ur wish. dun ever expect things to be wat u want it to be. funny how it seems when other ppl want something from u, they will get it from u. but when u want something from others, it never comes near. lets face it man, no one gives a shit about how u feel. they will always go round & round n just see u rotting there, lying in ur own mess of shit. u outta smile to urself if ever someone offer u tissue to clear up. dun expect anything else from this world. was having a drink today, alone at the airport. my thoughts start running wild. did wat i promised to do as usual. actually, i dunno wtf am i blogging about now. there's this sense of uncertainty that is surrounding me all over. wat is making my brain itch? damn... i'm sure pissed by it. but, here comes the worst part. lets assume things are this simple. walking 1 step, seeing wats on the left or right, continuing walking to ur destination. surely surprises will make u halt in ur tracks. hmmm... something huge is bothering me, i swear. i fucking hate it, when i can't solve it. btw, still popping vicks cough drops into my mouth. the throat is so fucked by ViceRoy. anyway, the 5 hrs of nap, my mind was blank. no sweet, wet, dry, fun dreams. nvm la. as the saying goes, what goes around, comes around dun wanna say much liao, continue typing, throat & head pain. humans are like that. we take everything for granted.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 8:39 PM

hey hey wassup ppl. my bro ben is gonna start sch today man. wish him all the best & fun back in tp. my throat's fucking sore. thanks to fucked up viceroy ciggies. cheap & taste like fuck. dunno wtf is going on now with ciggies. salem soft pack mostly no stock, hard pack 8.50. knn, argh! going crazy. btw, the person DB who are u? very familiar, but i kinda dun remember, sorry. could u call or reveal urself? sorry. brain's pretty screw up with other things. she's coming back soon. 2 more days. have been missing her so badly. wonder hows it at hong kong for she n eve n ade. hope they are safe n sound. quite worried though. euro 2004 is SCAMMED! fucked up games, fucked up scores. anyway i'm not affected. cause i never bet... :) I DO MISS HER MAN! I'M DEAD SERIOUS. never see her sms, never hear her ringtone... hmmm... btw, kc, sorry for fucking u up on the phone, not intentional... ;) btw, meis, it was gd to hear from most of u past few days. joanne ah, work at escape, pls press correct buttons, dun screw up the ride! sze hui, got link u liao la, dun kb me. jasmine, hope u felt better man. that was the least i could do i guess. my skin's peeling like a fucking python. my whole back is like shedding. kinda kewl. getting new skin. ok la, this post sounds weird. cause i seldom talk like that. but ya, i'm looking at the picture we took. it was really great. btw, if anyone wants JR Xie Zhen Ji 9.74mb size, pls call or msg me. my producer did that for me. very nice. worth ur downloading time. ok, Portugal has gone through, thanks to the Nuno Gomes goal (abit like winning eleven pattern) quite a exciting match. just popped a woods peppermint lozenges down my throat. hope it could be better ASAP. now, a penny for my thoughts. When will IT start? When will IT end? Will IT come naturally? What do I have to do? How will things go.... rise & shine.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 1:30 AM

come to think of it, its gonna be 4 months since we known each other. everything that goes up must come down but will bounce up again. why am i posting now, honestly i dunno. perhaps its just that i have lots of things in my head, spinning. i wanna learn how to control my emotions. doesnt mean, being a SNAG or emo-freak is bad. is just that to wat extend how sensitive u are to ppl. i remember once she told me in chinese. 'ren hen fan jian' when u show care & concern to someone, they will take it for granted. to me, this 4 words doesnt really apply. cause it doesnt matter if they take it for granted or wat. cause deep down i know, i did wat i'm suppose to do. pls correct me anyone, if i'm wrong. to love somebody, saying sorry, saying i love u, quarreling, having fun is not everything. the main thing is, the purpose of u doing all this is because U HAVE TRUE FEELINGS about the person. u want her to feel u, u want to do anything just to make her feel safe & secured with u. u will fight for her, tell her how much u feel for u because U LOVE HER. thats wat i feel. i'm not sure if i posted this before. from wat i feel now is that i'm just a person that is judged by appearance by ppl. u can call me watever u like, cause i dun give a fuck. but dun insult me. dun treat me like a idiot or toy. i'll fuck u back so hard. imagine this, JR one corner, Somebody else another corner. if u were to make decision whether bgr or frdship, who will u choose. NOT JR. i think no one has the patience to really understand & know me, no one wanna give me the chance. sigh, there's nothing more i can say or do. i dun wanna hold up a huge tag saying: PITY THIS MOFO! i dun need that. i found someone whom i do feel for w/o regretting. i will do all i can, until the day i cant. thats the day JR is flat out. i got something to say. i kinda hate it when i dunno wats going on, i hate it when there are ppl wielding knives behind me. the sense of mistrust & insecurity frightens me at time. hmmm why. nevertheless, enjoy ur trip. my quote of the week. "i'm not an actor, i'm not perfect. but i just hope someday u will give me the chance to love u in anyway possible." nitey nites or shall i say, good morning... :)

ps: thanks for series 6. really thank you.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:36 AM

gonna sleep now... finally after 1 month, i'm going to church! i kinda feel very very low over the past 4 weeks due to work & stuff. neglected my faith... u ppl must be thinking, y jr so holy right? but jr really very holy mah. its like never talk, see jesus, mary, holy spirit for so long.... something missing in me. but anyway, gotta go in 4 hrs time. btw, Euro 2004 has began. hey, gamble is gamble, there's a saying 10 bets, 9 lost so keep ur hands in ur pocket, ur cash too. wtf doesnt want their money to double up, but come to think again, u want Singapore Pools to be richer? Bookie to buy more Mercs? or U just want urself to have a normal life? gd points right? thats y i'm also not betting. :D be good boys & girls for this Euro 2004 season. & u will thank urself not me, but urself for maintaining ur normal life. ok? anyway, its been a long time since we had such a good conversation on the phone, laughter, jokes, care, concern, love. it was wonderful. honestly. 1 week have 7 days. give me 1 day or couple of hours to see u, I'll be very happy! this week has been good so far it seems, chilling with bros, happiness in someone so special, having gd talks with frds whom i feel are true, touch up my froggy & adding new stuff... now is for sunday. a start of a brand new week. how will it fair? i dunno. no one knows too. btw, Angel & Musicunderground is not for me no more. i had enough of it. getting old, those beats are killing. all i need is Andy Lau & Babyface. i need to chill not to get stuffed. must SETTLE DOWN! plan for the future, will there be a Jeremy Ryan junior? hehe, i dunno. hopefully i can wake up tmr & say, Life has been KINDA fair so far... how long will the fairness & sweetness last... this is 1 thing only god knows. Morning Everyone, its the breakfast buffet show with ur host, JR on Enigma Fm 99.9

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:55 AM

one of the rare afternoon posts. jr is very tired mentally. cause i dunno when things are gonna happen, when things are gonna start. lying on my bed facing my National Aircon, asking myself questions that has no answers. caught Bryan Adam's - Have U Really Loved A Woman song on radio recently during 1 of my lonely drives out. very solid lyrics.

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
til ya know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Til you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman
you tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really -
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...

Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

come to think again, women are really hard to understand. i feel they dun express themselves when they want to. they prolly prefer to keep it in them. but this post is not about gender issue. just how funny life is at times. i'm so afraid year 2001 jr will come back, how he treat ppl from how he feel. cause currently, i dun feel the vibes with some ppl i know. i do care about wat ppl will feel if i do things to them. i just hate it when they dun. i never like ppl to misunderstand me, therefore i always make fucking clear of wat i'm doing & wat i'm like. btw, i hate ur fucking character. it simple SUCK. bro, i know its not worth to be angry for such ppl, but i hate it when the whole chain is involve. there are other ppl inside too. stop being so fucking selfish. my last words are - DO SPARE A THOUGHT FOR WAT PPL ARE FEELING, THINK ABOUT HOW WILL THEY FEEL. PUT URSELF IN THEIR SHOES BEFORE SAYING OR DOING ANYTHING!. its hard to do, but i'm trying.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:34 PM

just got back home from soul searching, sight seeing. all i just wanna do now is sleep & have sweet dreams. dreams about wat i had last time, funny dreams that made me wake up & laugh about it. my mom's in jakarta. hope she has fun there. i love u mom! have a safe & enjoyable trip k? i'll miss u. hard to believe right? but ya, i do love u la. so funny coming it from ur devilish son! btw, who's the 4lettername person who's tagging me... could u kindly sms or call me if u know me. its kinda flooding my board. btw, ol-lol i've been using ur ab-slide, but extreme usage, causing major stomach muscle upset. haha, have any remedy? cannot really bend down now, machiam i pregnant with 3 months old baby. driving slowly, relaxing alone in the night is really magical, with the lights, scenary & such. singapore do have some shit i will miss though, if i ever leave her. hmmm... talking weird now, perhaps i'll just jump on king koll & tuck in with felix. "morning peeps!"

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:57 AM

my 3days off from work has began. those days during work certainly had me thinking & learning alot of new things again. new atmosphere, new ppl, new this n that. but the fact remains that, jr is still jr. i dunno if i have changed for the better, for the worst, no change. cause i have no answer to it. there are many times when i'm really tired mentally & just kinda shut my mind up, but ppl may think otherwise. sometimes when i just dun talk as usual, give that look, they say that my attitude problem is back. i guess its always hard to understand anyone as much as understand urself. no one can know wat they really want or wat ppl want. but nevertheless, i had an enjoyable evening. but i'm afraid of putting myself in a shell of lies. there are lots of quotes like, "just be who u are", "be urself", "do wat u think is right". but are these quotes really true? are things as easy as they seems? i remember someone once asked me, ppl around u, including urself wear masks everyday, do you agree? i did that for 1 of my modules as a topic presentation & personally i thought it kinda suck, however my lecturer think otherwise. it was a tough topic, cause end of the presentation, i couldnt answer the question my frd asked me. hmmm, why on earth in the middle of the night would i think of such stuff, one can question me. perhaps the answer lies due to the fact i'm a virgo. i think alot, i imagine & assume things that most ppl dont. hard-thinker. is that something good? but from my own view, i always percieve i'm the hell, the fury. every other person is the goodie 2 shoes. y so negative? i dunno. but this is weird somehow or rather. life is just so complicated. my karma is never good. but i'm not afraid of saying this "u will never ever know wat will happen the next moment, although i'm talking to u right now, i might just drop dead anytime." do u agree with me? i doubt so. anyway, live life to the fullest as i always say. either u make it or break it. naggy right? i think so too, ha. but back to the same old thing - "are u happy? can u go to sleep, smiling, thinking that life has been good & fair to u?" i dun think so, for any of us. cause everyone wants more of everything - including me to be frank. no one can be contented or pleased easily. it takes really hard work man to earn that. yet i will still tell myself at the end of the day, i'm trying. i'm a fighter. i will die for wat i live for. i will fight for wat i desire. my passion for wat i want, thats if i really want, will never burn out, unless i drop dead now. some new frds i made, thinks i'm weird. i totally agree with them. most probably no one understands jr. i'm just someone who express thoughts differently from others. i will come straight at u. no holds barred. who can live with such a person like me? 5? dad,mom,sis,alf,ben? when will the 6th come. or has it come already, just that it doesnt wanna be part of it? hmmm, topic is ATTITUDE. i'll give u a detailed explanation of mine, feel free to tell me wats urs. atttitude of mine is, i say, do wat i feel, bad-assed, hot-headed raging bull, nuclear time bomb (bros, remember gc jeff that time? heh), aggressive, hard hitting mentality. to be simple, i have a lousy character & bad attitude la! haha. say so much, also no one will get it one. btw, if anyone havent caught shrek2, troy, harry potter, pls do call me, if u dun mind watching it again, or have the vcd/dvd, lend me. i wanna watch. no chance to watch. ok, quote of the day - Money can earn back, time is there for you. But happiness & to make ur heart smile at ease, is something nothing can buy. agree? however, how long will happiness last, is another matter. whole new thing. i'll try to elaborate on that on the next post. ok, as i said, i enjoyed myself today (7/6/04). hope u did too. time to soul search, havent been going to church for a month. feel like fuck man. but i hope "U" up there, is watching me, cause "U" are always in my mind. really. u know it. nitey nites peeps.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:02 AM

3 more days at work... is this my last 3 days or wat? i dunno. i just wanna get my pay right. thats all i ask for. anyway, the day after tommorrow is not bad, if anyone of u are free, pls catch it. the weekend is here again... oh well, another sat & sun to go... sigh, i'm really tired. but everyone has their ups & downs too, not only me. but my thoughts are running wild as usual. i just cant understand somethings. why somethings are left not said better than said, why cant just ppl be themselves, why ppl dun wanna follow their heart or mind to do watever they want, why not everything is planned as wat u wanted, why surprises may turn out to be sorrows, why a person can from happy to be sad i guess all these questions are just part of life that no one has answers for... btw, 3 hrs was very rewarding despite a week has 120hrs. oh well, i think i just accept watever that is planned for me. there is something on my mind, dunno how to solve it. wat a weird post today. hmmm, wat is wrong?! yawnz.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:07 AM