Saturday, June 26, 2004

had a good walk alone just now despite of my ankle. went to uncle gerrard with bro alf to add scenary to my frog. had 3 reviews. bro say nice, alex say beng, she said beng too. hmmm, i wonder, wat does a beng means? anyway, first time it hurts like fuck. ankle & below. hot. no pain no gain. but all credit goes to uncle for his creative mind bare hand draw, no stencil. cool rocks with grass & lillies. heh. is it beng? i dunno, u tell me. any defination of beng? gold chain, tattoo, smoke, drink, listen techno & so on. are these qualities of wat a beng possess? funny how it seems that wat my officer told me last time & now 2004, beng has changed. no more, fights, killings, whoring, illegal gang activities, intimidation, rioting & so on. AH-BENG. me? perhaps?

referring to bro alf blog; quoted "why do girls look out for handsome, rich, driving, smart guys? why can't ugly people with no money, no cars, no looks, dumb guys get a girl? isn't it unfair. can't a true and sincere heart move a girl's heart? " this is a gd point. i dun have a answer for this. all i know is, the world has changed. extinct dinosaurs like us are gonna get wiped out sooner or later. it's a materialistic world out there. everyone single one of us is too. i dun deny that fact. of course i want my car, apartment, cash, & other assets, WTF doesnt want them? sigh. but end of the day. i can tell myself honestly & truthfully, all i did was wat a heart was made for. it was given not to pump the fucking blood all over, but to love, to feel sad, to be happy, to be jealous, to fight. to everything.

JR IS DEAD TIRED. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FATE PLANNED FOR ME TO DO. EVEN SOMETHINGS THAT NOT FATED FOR ME, I ALSO TRIED MY FUCKING BEST TO MAKE IT SWEET, MAKE IT PERFECT. BUT I KNOW, I'M NOT A PERFECT PERSON. I HAVE MY FLAWS TOO. words can never describe how i feel most of the times. sad, happy are just 2 complex for me to use. call me an idiot, going to somewhere whom everyone thinks there's no ending. but thats wat ppl think. i dun think that way. just like a salmon going against the current. all the songs i'm listening now doesnt really gives me any side effects. i dunno where is peel-fresh, maybe just somewhere out there. i feel like its OUT of REACH to me. something too high up to get & i will fall so badly time & time after attempting it. so much hurt so much pain, is nothing to complain about. i still have swallow every other critism that i get shot at. PRIDE? lost it. ppl, face it. seriously. take time off to be alone. FACE the FUCKING reality of life.

Lorencze, i remember in my fucking head for gd wat u told me before. What's urs, is urs. What's never urs, is never urs. BUT. U can ALWAYS GIVE A SHOT AT IT! that's wtf i'm doing right now. i believe my Marist senior of 12 or 15 yrs is not wrong. anyway, i hope my dad's car can be settled ASAP & i mean ASAP. to see it "disappear" in front of me, makes me SICK. hey sis, enjoy ur dvd night with ur frds, dun ka jiao me can liao. gonna find salem & talk to him. nitey nites. can i sleep w/o tossing tonight? wanna let out 1 big SIGH thanks.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:34 AM