J e r e m y R y a n

my 3days off from work has began. those days during work certainly had me thinking & learning alot of new things again. new atmosphere, new ppl, new this n that. but the fact remains that, jr is still jr. i dunno if i have changed for the better, for the worst, no change. cause i have no answer to it. there are many times when i'm really tired mentally & just kinda shut my mind up, but ppl may think otherwise. sometimes when i just dun talk as usual, give that look, they say that my attitude problem is back. i guess its always hard to understand anyone as much as understand urself. no one can know wat they really want or wat ppl want. but nevertheless, i had an enjoyable evening. but i'm afraid of putting myself in a shell of lies. there are lots of quotes like, "just be who u are", "be urself", "do wat u think is right". but are these quotes really true? are things as easy as they seems? i remember someone once asked me, ppl around u, including urself wear masks everyday, do you agree? i did that for 1 of my modules as a topic presentation & personally i thought it kinda suck, however my lecturer think otherwise. it was a tough topic, cause end of the presentation, i couldnt answer the question my frd asked me. hmmm, why on earth in the middle of the night would i think of such stuff, one can question me. perhaps the answer lies due to the fact i'm a virgo. i think alot, i imagine & assume things that most ppl dont. hard-thinker. is that something good? but from my own view, i always percieve i'm the hell, the fury. every other person is the goodie 2 shoes. y so negative? i dunno. but this is weird somehow or rather. life is just so complicated. my karma is never good. but i'm not afraid of saying this "u will never ever know wat will happen the next moment, although i'm talking to u right now, i might just drop dead anytime." do u agree with me? i doubt so. anyway, live life to the fullest as i always say. either u make it or break it. naggy right? i think so too, ha. but back to the same old thing - "are u happy? can u go to sleep, smiling, thinking that life has been good & fair to u?" i dun think so, for any of us. cause everyone wants more of everything - including me to be frank. no one can be contented or pleased easily. it takes really hard work man to earn that. yet i will still tell myself at the end of the day, i'm trying. i'm a fighter. i will die for wat i live for. i will fight for wat i desire. my passion for wat i want, thats if i really want, will never burn out, unless i drop dead now. some new frds i made, thinks i'm weird. i totally agree with them. most probably no one understands jr. i'm just someone who express thoughts differently from others. i will come straight at u. no holds barred. who can live with such a person like me? 5? dad,mom,sis,alf,ben? when will the 6th come. or has it come already, just that it doesnt wanna be part of it? hmmm, topic is ATTITUDE. i'll give u a detailed explanation of mine, feel free to tell me wats urs. atttitude of mine is, i say, do wat i feel, bad-assed, hot-headed raging bull, nuclear time bomb (bros, remember gc jeff that time? heh), aggressive, hard hitting mentality. to be simple, i have a lousy character & bad attitude la! haha. say so much, also no one will get it one. btw, if anyone havent caught shrek2, troy, harry potter, pls do call me, if u dun mind watching it again, or have the vcd/dvd, lend me. i wanna watch. no chance to watch. ok, quote of the day - Money can earn back, time is there for you. But happiness & to make ur heart smile at ease, is something nothing can buy. agree? however, how long will happiness last, is another matter. whole new thing. i'll try to elaborate on that on the next post. ok, as i said, i enjoyed myself today (7/6/04). hope u did too. time to soul search, havent been going to church for a month. feel like fuck man. but i hope "U" up there, is watching me, cause "U" are always in my mind. really. u know it. nitey nites peeps.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:02 AM