Monday, June 28, 2004

just woke up. been in a hellacious sms session. dun ask so much, i talk about it later. i realised everyone has started sch cept me. i've gotta go do my fucking timetable in this week, if not i'll be a lost sheep in sch once it opens. repeating 2 modules, oh ya, how nice, let nature takes it course. someone gonna pass out soon, someone gonna ord soon. of course being that position when u feel on top, when u feel everything is going ur way, u can say let nature takes it course. Yr 2 Sem 1 is gonna be hellllll man. who gives a fuck anyway. i ain't someone who begs for care & concern from everyone. die also die alone. my fucking car's gone. i repeat. MY FUCKING CAR IS GONE. i've cleared her last carbon last night. used up about half tank, driving alone in the island. played with old Sunnys to new Sunnys. hell, fuck the Cefiros too. Civics EG & EKs, fuck u too man. last night was dedicated to myself. Slept at 7am why? cause i had to take a fucking break from reality.

FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME IN MY LIFE, I FEEL SO FUCKING INFERIOR TO EVERYONE ELSE!! hell, u think i wanna study in MIT which i dunno wtf am i learning about? dun i wanna make $ tons of it. who doesnt? hell yeah, able to afford & maintain an EVO, if there's a free one for grabs at taka, put ur fucking face on the car, i would put my fucking face on the car. u wanna fuck around, fuck u man. I CAN'T PUT MY HIGH UP HEAD NO MORE thanks to those fucking insults, comments. i can FUCK ANYONE, DO ANYTHING in the past. but now, I CAN'T. i simply cant. i'm fucking wounded. Pride's got scarred. every mother fucker out there thinks i'm loaded. the only thing i'm loaded with, is enough fuck, to fuck u up if u push me to the extreme. i've lost it homies. The once High & Mighty JR has fallen period. Stop comparing? i'm fucking learning how to be HUMBLE. to know my weak points, to try to be better. i dun have my OWN RIDE. ya, i know how to ride a bike but matter of fact, i ain't getting one. ya, i can drive, but matter of fact, i dun have the $ to maintain 1. humility. i'm going through that phrase. i have to humble myself. there are alot of things i can't do no more. no more driving alone, enjoying the breeze, chilling. i dun tell the whole world how sorry i am. i prefer taking it on the roads

this yr of 2004 is gonna be living HELL as fated. let nature takes it course. wow, its so nice man. i hate authority & nature. but i cant do anything. cause everytime i wanna do something, i get HIT BACK SO FUCKING HARD IN MY FACE. mocking, insults. why still go through it? here's a phrase in hokkien lang gong wa boh tao nao, pat lang wu siao eh, li ko lai. tio, wu tampoh chance, dan li ai kua lang kar yi siao eh lua gu liao. ok, buei yao kin. pat lang chio wa, gong wa bey ki, kua wa bey ki, an zua wa mai ka yi ki? wa hor lang gong. wa diam diam mai chut xiah. sibei pai jiak, limbeh mai si jiak. ying wei, limbeh ai ou simi si QIAN XU.

just can't believe i'm so inferior. seen enough of the world, enough of the fucking hypocrites, backstabbers, fake shells. how far can i run? how long can i endure? i dunno. this blog is dedicated to Every True & Honest Human Being Out There (but, come to think of it again, is there 1 out of a million?)

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:15 PM