J e r e m y R y a n

e u r o d a n c e - r e b o r n

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 11:36 AM

123, pathetic? yeah. very.

for the next 2 weeks, nothing but studies for me i reckon. cant be fucking around as usual. seriously gotta get down on it & study man! hopefully i will pass this sem, so either attachment or studies again in my 3rd year. a thought suddenly came into my mind. was upgrading my ram & g card a good thing? haha. credits to gt for helping though yet i sense a repeat of my yr 1 sem 1. the same thing with Gunbound. lmao. this better not happen man! if not i'm screwed. caught up with everyone's blog. seems right for most of them. seems la, u will never know or understand wats beneath... worst case was that i havent been to church for a month or more. first time in my life, i miss a good friday mass. call me catholic? heh. since today's easter, HAPPY EASTER to all folks! may u have nice eggs to makan.

gd night.

"(Go West) Life is peaceful there
(Go West) In the open air
(Go West) Baby you and me
(Go West) This is our destiny "

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:06 AM

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:30 AM

i do wonder at times, am i really behaving, reacting the way i suppose to be. why at times when i know deep inside i just feel like fucking someone or swearing all over but yet i choose to remain cool & upbeat about it... do i really take ppl & things for granted? yes i know no one is oblige to accomodate anyone, no one owes anyone anything too. the world is a cruel place. its harsh living in here. i'm selfish i admit. i can boldly say i do have emotions too. i'm scared of losing ppl around me, scared of not having things i fight for, scared of alot of shit. yet i project myself in a way that i'm strong, happy go lucky, carefree. who am i actually? i hate ppl faking themselves in front of ppl... i criticise everyone who's wearing a mask. even strangers whom i dont know... but, do i wear one? i feel like i'm the one who have a dozen mask at times. these masks that i own "helps" me to run away from problems i faced. i dun use any mask to benefit out of anything, which honestly i admit is dumb. most ppl use their masks to gain something, get a fuck, get something outta nothing. yet i only know how to use masks to run & continue running. ppl perceive me as someone who only know how to relax, someone who enjoy life as though life is something beautiful. yes, i believe deep down, life is really wonderful. no one is perfect. however i feel ppl around me are superior or even perfect. no, i'm not whining now. for god's sake, if the person reading now thinks i'm whining, hell no. or even better still, no one reads this crap i'm blogging.

what are the bad points in my favour? i seldom keep my word, i'm stingy, i'm very vulgar, i'm a motherfucker who do not care about anyone, i see the world as me revolving it & no one else, i'm someone who pokes at ppl, never a gentleman, never someone whom u can talk to & give u 100% attention, a sloth, a super self-scented person. am i wrong behaving this way? whatever fuck i did, was it for the good of all?

a story about someone i know for ages. 5 years ago. he knew this girl for 3 yrs. since sec 1 until sec 3. after so long, he decided to go after her. on a afternoon, he met her at cineleisure. he certainly felt very good, the vibes & everything was there. he made the decision to ask her to be his girlfriend. on feb 21st, they were together, the cat & the cow. those 6 months of being in a relationship was fantastic, sour, bitter, sweet. this boy was just 15yrs old. he could make a grave mistake, yet he chose not to. yes, he was tempted by the 3 letters most relationships rely on nowadays. however he dint give the girl anything although the girl wasnt a virgin at that time. he thought, wtf? at a tender age of 15 she wasnt a virgin anymore? what was the world coming to? he stood firm in his belief not to disrespect her in anyway. he treated her like a pure gentleman could ever. sacrificed for her, provided her with watever she needed although sometimes he tried as hard but could never succeed. after 6 months of being together, they broke up. why? his gf ask if she could go out with a guy, he said yes. went out for a movie with her ex. he didnt mind. came back the night, talked to her on the phone. realised something went wrong. ask her this simple question, "what did he do to u?" replied, "he kissed me." the boy became dumbfounded for a moment. next morning, he woke up & understood love was something never true. he still treated her very nicely until his birthday when he decided to talk to her about the breakup. in the end, both of them decided on a mutal basis that she should concentrate on her Os while he concentrate on passing his 2nd year in sec 3. there wasnt even saddness in the guy's heart. he knew getting a girlfriend from the moment was something hard, close to impossible. what happened?

life moved on for him no doubt. he met someone whom was very very sweet, cute near his place. after a very long time, they got closer & the same little boy made his move. this time, the girl requested for more time, which the boy waited. yet, it wasnt meant to be. the day whom the boy will never ever forget came. he left the girl a voicemail before he left for camp. it went something like this, "hey girl i think its just not fated for us to be together, i promised u i wont treat u as ur ex bf, that bastard andrew. i'll be going for my camp. i think u better get a better boyfriend, find a better guy." at that very day, after all the doubts, questions, talking with her frds, she decided to give me that chance to be with her.... the boy was devastated so was the girl. it was tough. for the first time in the boy's life, he regretted something he should not have done... he will always remember wat the girl told him, "many ppl gave me bottles with cute stuff inside, u are the first one to give me a beer bottle." very special chow nan ren.

wat a childish, pathetic story u must be thinking. ha. i dun even know why did i type it........ or do i.... the boy now is 20 this year, living life aimlessly, without a sense of direction but he is not looking to be seen as pitiful, poor thing. he do not crave for such fuck. he just wanna live to make his family proud of him, support his family, let them live in luxury, make them proud of him, nothing else matters. if someone comes along the road, it would be his luck. cause frankly speaking, he dun deserve anything at all. good night.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:04 AM

more than 24hrs without sleep since Friday 10.30am until now... physically i'm uber drained. mentally however, i still can think as solid or even better than in normal times. but i do admit, all the hours that i spent was very fun & relaxing. just like always. despite the $, time & all other stuff that were used up, i think ultimately as long as everyone whos there enjoyed it & most importantly urself matters most. hmmm. actually i'm too tired to type wats stored in my head for me to blog right now... just a few highlights;

fucked up design of car parks

fucked up mentality of singaporeans

fucked up principles that ppl stick to which is actually a whole load of bull fuck shit.

fucked up soreness that ppl have

anyway, i dun wish to talk about such stuff right now... my king koil is kolling me... pillow, bolster, felix the cat.... argh, how i wish i can just drop to bed right now... but its all UP there, up when u point ur finger to ur head... common test, lab tests, exams are so just around the corner... dunno how to KUP this corner... now is, go sleep off engine....

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:05 AM

this perhaps will be 1 of my longest since the last time i blogged...

where am i? i'm in school right now having my java night class. well... 13 weeks of study have passed by so fast then i still think i'm in week 1. rofl. truthfully i dun even understand a single fuck that have been taught so far in any module. as usual, i get my projects "done" long before the submission time. i might not be able to learn anything from it however i dun give 2 shit cause i admit that i'm plain lazy to do anything about studying. :)

come to think of it, i might have regretted coming into this school & this course. sometimes i feel my non-existence in class whenever theres something to do. i thought that i might have the chance to learn something from this diploma. yet i realised not. what is actually Multimedia Infocomm Technology? sounds gd yeah? i think polys are just a whole load of bull. i always say never regret doing something, yet why do i think i made a huge mistake in choosing in this course. based on my O levels results back then, i could pratically go any poly, any course. but yet due to my over-laziness i chose NYP & got to stuck in this puddle of shit. or actually a whole bucket full of it... :)

hmmm, i just got my specialisation outcome. i'm gonna do web-based. to me, any of the fucking yr3 routes doesnt really matter. what matters is i get the fucking diploma & fuck outta here. never look back for sweet or bitter memories. everyone seems like a empty shell. the inconsistent mood swings & attitude problems of some interest & yet irritates me. i guess for my case, i will contradict in every sentence i say.... why is it i have so much to type & to continue rattling on despite the bored, whiny posts that JR usually does... i just think ppl are just so hypocritical. fake to be exact. :)

i'm very proud to say i'm always myself. i draw a very clear line on what i like & what i dont. i will always prevent myself from going into a losing battle. i never like dragging stupid things on & on however yet i also think too much before even attempting it. its like, physically i'm with the class at times... but mostly i'm outta there. flying into space. drifting away to my own fantasy. end of the day, i lose out. why? cause i'm not enthu enough? or shall i put it this way, fake enough? :)

what will be the road for me in the future? ha. continue smoking, drinking, sleeping, slacking? i see no future staying in singapore. this is a never ending shit hole. u can keep digging & more shit will pile on top of you. the mentality of ppl simply can kiss my ass. the self-scented, proud, fucked up attitude. actions reflect truly how someone's personality is. what the person wants in life, what the person like or dont. btw, i hate it when ppl use my logics in life. the way i go through life. if they wanna use it, FUCKING HELL use it properly. DO NOT make it look like crap just like u... :)

well, i know my lecturer is looking at me right now, but do i really give a damn? roflmao. i think i prolly shall stop blogging now & just gotta seat back & relax. i'm a sinner, aint a saint.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 7:01 PM

"The very first fragance of spring is in the air
And each and every moment we still love to share
Alone together Just the two of us
It was then I know my heart belonged to you
Mmmm.. summers here"

all these oldies moldies... chicago, timmy thomas, starship. fantastic songs that keeps me calm, chilled or actually at ease... all the stress & tension seems to disappear. all i can do now is to sleep... however i forgotten how to coz waking up tmr might not be a nice day to look forward to... oh btw i realised i got no more hard liqour... fuck! gotta find ways to get some. ok man, i'll shall just lie on bed & meditate.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:28 AM

what seems to be the torn or source of everything? i wont be in denial that i truly dun understand a single thing. fuck man. i rather be in solitude. will update this post asap. off for another smoke...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 10:04 PM

close to another 24hrs w/o proper decent slumber... what else can i do? poured some of my JD black with coke. tasted horrible due to the stale coke... knn. left slightly abit more & another bottle to JR's collection. gotta wear formal once again due to my presentation on tuesday which i'm kinda rushing to complete now. what's new about me? zero. still as poor as a church mouse. as fucked up as ever. 1 more month to my exams & shit to come. i feel this semester is kinda tough, draggy... no mood to study even though i have to. oh, the best part! my super SORE throat is gonna get cured real soon with the jammed up nose & flu. smoking, drinking & lack of sleep is my favourite cure to this common sickness. forcing all the green, yellow, white substance outta my throat. thank god the blood is lesser now... hate to see when i spit, blood comes out. btw, havent been to church for 2 weeks now. how sinful i feel. wat to do? life goes on. i shall stop doing my ppt. need to zzzzz. if not tmr my java lecturer will say, "how to help u when u keep sleeping in class. u dun wanna listen, keep surfing net, how to pass?" lets just say, night classes are boring & tiring. nuff' said. happy wet dreaming.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:32 AM

in·som·ni·a :

Chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time.

i love what inability i have now...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:05 AM