J e r e m y R y a n

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really - really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
til ya know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Til you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
Ya know ya really love a woman

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...

judging from bryan adam's song. do i really know how to love a woman? have i done all of that? or am i being exploited? i know the saying, gd guys end up last... am i gonna end up last? sigh. i dunno.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 5:51 AM

so many things have really happened over the past 2 weeks? i almost got gan tung for drink driving... just 3 bottles of heineken nia... had 4 shots at the breath analzyer... passed. mircale tio boh? fuck the stupid crab! 2 sgts 1 cpl also never kb... yet he must kb... argh. fucker... all of my time recently have been with someone... i learnt alot of stuff... life lessons... i dunno how to describe it... yeah folks out there, i'm still single... dun misunderstand... i dunno how long will it take for me to be attached since i found out i'm such a emotional person afterall... i'm trying liao... seriously performing as hard as i can... yeah i dun deny small things affects me... which i dun wish to mention... why such a sway timing... i cannot understand at all... i feel kinda young while blogging this entry... hmmm... i devote so much time n effort into this... wat can i say? i've been drinking so much this month too... non stop... chivas la, beer la, bacardi, johnny, jim, jack la, absolut... i'm putting on so much weight... pathetic. waist 36. no wonder i'm being called xiao pang. 1 thing gd is... alot of my sch ppl dont know about my blog... only close frds of mine, read this stupid senselss blog when they have free time.... but honestly i hate it when ppl leave stupid msges on my tag board... I LOVE TO SWEAR. get this straight. i may FUCK HERE FUCK THERE yet deep down i preach my own shit, stick to my principles. i'm not a fucking LOW LIFE JERK FLIRT. u know those ppl beside n around u well? fuckers can ack so well, y are u foolish enough to believe every single word they say... suddenly i feel myself going into the "pek chek" mode... ARGH. fuck. hmmm... my record from my place to yishun is 10mins. kinda slow huh... i wanna brush up on it liao... DAMN IT MAN. i'm still waiting for my fucking $140 bucks pay... ALOT OF $$$ to me man... wanna change my car stuff... i bth the air intake n combustion. suspension & tyres & brakes too. haiz... now is term break for common test... supposed to be studying... yet my minds all over the place... mainly thinking of someone & something... some stuff u can forgive n forget.. some stuff u cant forget, therefore cant forgive... oh fuck. wat am i talking about? as usual, fingers wondering about the keyboard... i'm in a total lost... how can actually someone take it when the other party does so much stupid shit... T_T i just feel like smacking myself... is it really so easy just to laugh it off? haiz, i dunno. perhaps time will tell... bleah. hungry man. gotta grab some food... oh, fyi i just reached home from a mahjong session. after seeing so many times, i still dun get it. damn. i prefer 5,10 with drinking. my no.1 favourite game. try beating me... ;) ok la... time to head down to the kpt n eat liao... got 1 huge monster growling inside me.. VIRGO... HAIZ!

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 6:16 AM

e m o t i o n a l.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:34 AM

just to side track me of my stress, i'll do this quiz thing... long time since i last done it...

1. Your Horoscope?
Virgo

2. Clubber/Non-Clubber?
no more liao... now is ktv pubber... kopitiam uncle...

3. Money or Love?
gd question, money can buy everything including love.

4. Love kids? If yes how many do u want?
yeah i love them as long as my wife wants them...

5. Place the following in order of importance to u (1 being the most important): Money, Career, Family, Friends, Love.
1-Family 2-Money 3-Career 4-Friends 5-Love; dun ask me why i place them like this... things always change, dont they?

6. Given a choice would u rather be poor and happy or rich and unhappy?
i'm currently poor & unhappy...

7. What do u think is the cause of most break-ups?
101 reasons. no one is perfect.

8. Do u believe in horoscopes? If yes which sign do u think is your ideal soulmate?
clueless.

9. Believe in love at 1st sight?
kinda.

10. Use your head or your heart more?
can we include the choice, balls?

11. Is sex a MUST in a relationship?
ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE BASED ON FUCKING N FUCKING.

12. Which is worse? Possessive or Hot tempered?
none.

13. Which is more important? Character or Looks?
c'mon la... we all know the answer...

14. Nice and Romantic or Rich and Pampering
wat is being nice? u have to be RICH TO BE NICE. DUH. how u pamper? of course u'll have to fucking be romantic, meaning good on bed. jiao wei.

15. 1 word to describe life?
complex.

16. 1 word to describe love?
fuck.

17. Ever expect your partner to change for u?
would u change for ur partner?

18. One thing u wish you could have right now?
surfing the waves in maui.

19. What do u think of people acting cute?
go fuck urselves.

20. Isolation or Forsaken?
forsaken.

21. Brand or Quality?
... quality stuff usually are branded right?

22. How's this survey?
interesting... helps me let out steam.

i'm currently in a very pissing mood... actually more of frustrating... going church tmr...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:02 AM

wednesday 13th of july 2005. it was one of the best days i had... special, memorable & sweet. sad part was today when i said my life became colorful... yet u thought it was black & white... i'll never forget whatever we chatted about... quality time well spent. finished the chivas le... got back safe n sound (as usual) :P hao lian. well... this deja vu is back, I SIMPLY HATE WEEKENDS. damn hate it so much... that's when i'll sing Akon - Lonely to myself... sweet dreams to all... nitey nites.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 12:41 AM

everyday i'm yearning... thinking... hoping... that would someone tell me the correct path to go... 1 week drink 5 days... i can take it man... my liver can... i can drive home... but why when ppl drink, they are happy, however ppl whom drink with me, are sad because of me... dun be sad for me... there's a 50% chance in the end, i'll just turn outta be the fool again... yet i strive on.... quoted from someone; "sometimes they quarrel, sometimes they are close" sometimes? how many times? when? why? i always put in twice the effort, twice the sweat n blood... yet no one realises how dumb i can be... my mom hates me for putting my tattoos... wth... also not dragons or tigers... y? have i done shame to the NG family? no. i'm not a criminal... i dint do anything to embarrass u... y must u ask my bros, ask my aunties talk to me? wtf... do i look like i need counselling? i have been throught that shit when i had my probation.... i dunno y i make so many wrong moves in my life... past few years in poly... horrendous... recently i've been sleeping earlier than before... i guess ppl ard, stuff they say do affect me... i'm feeling tired at 12.30am lor... last night i slept at 10.30pm... usually my patience is kinda long, it can be stretched quite a bit... yet now, its getting lower n lower... time will tell? always time will tell... i control my own destiny, my life, the choices i made... since after all i've done, i have to learn n go through it... but this time, somehow, i think i'm still in my own world... hoping miracles will happen... when i fully commit myself... it turns out i might get stabbed right in return, in my face... 2 incidents have passed yet i'm still letting myself getting stabbed all over...

i jsut got a feeling a tear drop is gonna roll right down... the JR u know aint that strong afterall... suddenly whole body so tired, n lifeless... its just so frustrating all over... when at times, U dun need to hear ppl say or wat, u see it for urself.... incidents after incidents... first hand experience... ah... damn... WTF JR WTF ARE U GONNA TEAR FOR? which part of me lose out to every mother fucker out there? y must my mom compare me with her frds sons or daughters? u want $ so u will be happy? fine then, i'll fucking find money for u... black or white money, just take it... u think ur frds children are so fucking gd right? ok, ya they may be gd with studies, work... watever fuck... but ur fucking son here can do other things too... ask them drive on the road with me... ask them take a fucking adventure with their bros (if they have) to koh samui on bus... ask them experience n feel probation for 1 year... ask them to feel how is it like seeing the girl u like going off with someone else... ask them whether are they gentleman enough to fetch the girl to someplace to meet another guy... ask them all of these... they can give u money, make u happy, MOM, UR FUCKING SON HERE CAN TOO. damn it...

i feel the more i continue, the more i'll go mad... i cant let it all out, JR is not a WEAK FUCKER. wat solutions i see before me? RUN & RUN & RUN away from all these SHIT. i dun need anyone to give me any pity... FUCK UR PITYNESS or ur SYMPATHY... i dun give 2 shit for u... i'm not worth any of ur care n concern... leave me alone... ARGH FUCK THIS... hard way of life... toughest way... there's no easy way out... DAMN ME.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 1:49 AM

just came back from church... prayed hard. now i know that god wanted my mom to know about my tattooo the moment i stepped into the house.... now i dint spend a single cent of hers... wtf more she wants? yeah... its COUNTABLE. its not MANY. many meaning my frds marcus, william, my uncle... these are MANY. anyway the project i have with my uncle is not over. i promise.

the thunderstorms just begun... i love my new tattoo. of course i WILL MUST HAVE to finish it...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 9:27 AM

am i not being a gentleman? what more can a guy do? made to go through this turmoil... fucking miserable.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 6:20 AM