Sunday, July 10, 2005

everyday i'm yearning... thinking... hoping... that would someone tell me the correct path to go... 1 week drink 5 days... i can take it man... my liver can... i can drive home... but why when ppl drink, they are happy, however ppl whom drink with me, are sad because of me... dun be sad for me... there's a 50% chance in the end, i'll just turn outta be the fool again... yet i strive on.... quoted from someone; "sometimes they quarrel, sometimes they are close" sometimes? how many times? when? why? i always put in twice the effort, twice the sweat n blood... yet no one realises how dumb i can be... my mom hates me for putting my tattoos... wth... also not dragons or tigers... y? have i done shame to the NG family? no. i'm not a criminal... i dint do anything to embarrass u... y must u ask my bros, ask my aunties talk to me? wtf... do i look like i need counselling? i have been throught that shit when i had my probation.... i dunno y i make so many wrong moves in my life... past few years in poly... horrendous... recently i've been sleeping earlier than before... i guess ppl ard, stuff they say do affect me... i'm feeling tired at 12.30am lor... last night i slept at 10.30pm... usually my patience is kinda long, it can be stretched quite a bit... yet now, its getting lower n lower... time will tell? always time will tell... i control my own destiny, my life, the choices i made... since after all i've done, i have to learn n go through it... but this time, somehow, i think i'm still in my own world... hoping miracles will happen... when i fully commit myself... it turns out i might get stabbed right in return, in my face... 2 incidents have passed yet i'm still letting myself getting stabbed all over...

i jsut got a feeling a tear drop is gonna roll right down... the JR u know aint that strong afterall... suddenly whole body so tired, n lifeless... its just so frustrating all over... when at times, U dun need to hear ppl say or wat, u see it for urself.... incidents after incidents... first hand experience... ah... damn... WTF JR WTF ARE U GONNA TEAR FOR? which part of me lose out to every mother fucker out there? y must my mom compare me with her frds sons or daughters? u want $ so u will be happy? fine then, i'll fucking find money for u... black or white money, just take it... u think ur frds children are so fucking gd right? ok, ya they may be gd with studies, work... watever fuck... but ur fucking son here can do other things too... ask them drive on the road with me... ask them take a fucking adventure with their bros (if they have) to koh samui on bus... ask them experience n feel probation for 1 year... ask them to feel how is it like seeing the girl u like going off with someone else... ask them whether are they gentleman enough to fetch the girl to someplace to meet another guy... ask them all of these... they can give u money, make u happy, MOM, UR FUCKING SON HERE CAN TOO. damn it...

i feel the more i continue, the more i'll go mad... i cant let it all out, JR is not a WEAK FUCKER. wat solutions i see before me? RUN & RUN & RUN away from all these SHIT. i dun need anyone to give me any pity... FUCK UR PITYNESS or ur SYMPATHY... i dun give 2 shit for u... i'm not worth any of ur care n concern... leave me alone... ARGH FUCK THIS... hard way of life... toughest way... there's no easy way out... DAMN ME.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 1:49 AM