J e r e m y R y a n

what do someone want in life? u can say u want this for now, that for later. but down the road u will never be satisfied with what u have & want more eventually. cause things comes n goes. 1 point, u might be contented with the current situation, next moment u feel like crap & think why things always turn out so horribly. superficial. why? seeking, searching, finding will never stop for everyone. excuses, lies, running away is the best cure for most ppl. what's in for them not to pull out or what's the fucked up disadvantages that will make them change their thinkings? is it all so familiar when someone ask themselves these questions?

"should i try?"
"why am i still clinging on?
"am i happy based on what i'm doing now?
"i'm right in making my decision...right?"
"i guess there's always something out there better waiting for me..."

living in a lie... a fantasy. diabolical life.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 11:30 PM

i've been watching a tv serial on #55 cabletv. its called vigilante force. i figure out most ppl want's to be the charactor 'Ma-Sir' than 'Wazai'. i dun deny if possible, i hope to be him too. i mean, he's got everything that most ppl wanna have. money, charisma, attitude, charactor, looks, 5cs if u wanna include them... anyway i'm not saying 'Wazai' is pathetic. there's always pros & cons. yet i feel ultimately, being 'Ma-Sir' in real life still holds all the advantages over commoners like 'Wazai'...

there was a quote, "Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder" for those that do not know what it means... means that the time you spend away from one you love makes you love that person even more. somehow i think it goes the other way for me in some cases. however i do admit i miss the drives along chestnut area... dunearn road & stuff but... i can go the distance, endure all kinda funny crap that comes along the way. main thing still stands; is it worth it? lets judge as a human -majority will tell u to fuck it. lets judge as JR - erm, u ppl know my answer don't you?

lastly, i dint go for my maths common test on monday. paper was at 11am. i came home at 4.30am. woke up at 8am. thought to myself, i havent studied a single shit. i dint put any effort, i dun see a chance of passing even though going for it. so, i continue snoring until 5.30pm... i never fight a losing battle unless... i'm so desperate to like right now... 20% or 30% doesnt really matter to me. well, just lose it HA HA HA HA.

good morning folks, i'm going to bed right now... oh, btw, i pray that my sis gets her ideal results on monday... as long as she's happy, i'll be happy for her. u will make it gd ol' sis! sweet dreams, i can hear ur ZzZzZ right now ;)

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 5:53 AM

ho lang sibei pai zhuo. 1 moment this 1 moment that... everyone will continue judging everything by the covers... as the saying goes, ho kua bo ho jiak. saloon cars with body kits, side skirts, spoilers, front lips & so on... however, engine stock like fuck. what's the point? most of the times, its the driver not the car. not referring to anyone whatsoever...

is it, good guys always end up last? i aint saying i'm one. i no need anyone to give me that "oh, so u trying to say u're a good guy huh...." thing. shattered dreams. the cycle keeps repeating itself... dogs can never change their way of eating shit. yes i've got a common test at 11 later... i havent touch a single fuck about it. dun ask me why. i do not know the reason too. what's the best part? its MATHS.

i thought new year, everyone will look forward & change for the better. move on & carry on living a better life. guess it has not happen. leopard can never ever change its spots. i wanna know whats the meaning of trust, faith, honesty, loyalty. who in this world can truthfully tell me what it means i wonder...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 1:48 AM

saturday night - a night of soccer, tons of liqour & u know the rest... however i'm doing a survey instead! havent been doing this shit for a long long time...

1> > top three most visited websites :
- my blog
- porn
- & more porn hahahaha

2> > top three favourite songs right now :in no particular order,
- tempted to touch
- oye mi canto
- so confused

3> > top three favourite food :
- hokkien mee
- oyster omelette
- chicken cutlet

4> > top three favourite drink :
- chivas regal
- jim beam
- smirnoff

5> > top three outdoor activities :
- driving alone
- soccer
- wanking in the sun

6> > top three indoor activities :
- drinking alone
- soccer training
- wanking in the room

7> > top three accessories (that you own) :
- none

8> > top three major expenses :
- smoking
- driving
- drinking

9> > top three most important people :
- dad
- mom
- sister

10> > top three favourite hangout place:
- room
- in my SFL
- toilet

11> > top three things you do everyday :
- smoke
- drink
- sleep

12> > top three favourite colours :
none

remember the song, 2 steps behind? it actually goes like this; "whatever u do, i'll be 2 steps behind you.... & to watch u fall & dun give a fuck about u...."

cheerios.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 11:20 PM

its always a nice feeling when someone whom u like falls asleep in your car... i mean it might not apply to other guys however, when things like this happens to me... i somehow feel blessed? wrong word to use? but it shows the responsibility i'm taking to ensure a safe, smooth journey back home which i nevertheless fail to do so. actually...

"Babe you leave me confused
Don't know if I should let you know
Or wait it out girl
Wish I knew just what to do
I'm so confused"

sweet dreams.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:21 AM

It's turning out just another day
I took a shower and I went on my way
I stopped there as usual
had a coffee and pie
when i turned to leave
i couldn't believe my eyes

standing there i didn't know what to say
without one touch
we stood there face to face

And i was dying inside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

you said hello then u asked my name
i didn't know if i should go all the way
inside i felt my life have really changed
i knew that it would never be the same

standing there i didn't know what to say
first time looked away when i whispered your name

And i was dying inside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

one hello changed my life
i didn't believe in love at first sight
but you've shown me what is life
and I now i know my love (i know it's coming right)

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:42 AM

Isabel Bayrakdarian - Evenstar

fantastic.

sums up pratically everything... melancholic... it can go on & on... whats with all the worrying & stuff? still facing 4 fucking walls... trying to break it down with my bare fist... doesnt matter really if it bleeds... never... why must this rollercoaster climb so slow upwards & go down just like *snap* da fingers... gonna clap back n lean back n fall flat. off i go now to bed.

bros, remember the question we always ask among ourselves, "wa nang toh lo su?!" doesnt mean its CNY so must say nice stuff; but honestly, even if i drop now... i wont know the answer, forever... agree?

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:52 AM

i remembered last year's chinese new year eve. my mom & i fought. over what? over my left side of my leg... which my dear orca swims on it... i'll never forget for the first time on new year eve, mom & son had the greatest all time fight ever. haha. i almost repeated it this year... but thank god i din't. waiting only... 2 both legs, FULL. nuff' said. happy chinese new year folks. may u all have tons of ang baos!! oh yesh, i'll be visiting this time around!! it might be abit late but, better late than never, i'll be coming in my "EVO" roflmao!! so GONG XI FA CAI erm... is that all i know? oh yeah... LONG MA JING SHENG... & erm.... SHEN TI JIAN KANG... ok la, i'm horrible with this shit. lets do it my way, happy prosperous new year~! ciaoz

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 11:02 PM

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
Man I'm grown and I dont know what to do
I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
Damn near cried when I got that phone call
I'm so gone and I don't know what to do
But to give you part 2 of my confessions

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 8:48 PM

1/4 left. how did the record of clearing bottles stopped last night. the usual habit of open & clear was changed... i hate leftovers... argh! wtf is wrong with me man... just 1 pathetic jim beam 1 litre & i can't finish it... my theory stands. when u in the mood, u can't drink, sure vomit & drunk & all the fuck. when not in the mood, i'll drink until there's nothing left & still standing... so wat was last night all about? term break baby. see how many bottles can clear during this free & easy week of mine...

"is there anyone out there who can feel me, anyone out there who can see me..."

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:16 PM

term break has finally arrived. well, chinese new year is around the corner. everything is gonna be red, oranges, bak gua, gambling & most importantly ang baos. i'll always remember when i was in primary school where i could get 600-800 bucks... however those were the days... as now, the market is getting worst & the ppl getting niaoer. can get 200 i also tao chio.... what should i do with the cash? how i really wanna install my apex'i cold air intake... making sure my lancer cvt will have a higher horsepower than most cvts... siao? abit la... well, that's just a machine... but i love to be in control of my machine....

anyway, i dint expect 2 persons have such close personality... it's like the show Alfie which i truly loved. remember the scene when he wanted to visit susan sarandon... the one that he left his guard down & in the end, u know wat happen.... how can JR not take note of the similiar traits among both of them... shocking yes. unexpected truly. what more can i say? is it always once bitten twice shy? i dunno whether this is a gd thing or a bad one... very contradicting. can i foresee the outcome? i honestly do not know. how much desire? worth every single bit. but why every scene last time is coming back 1 way or another... it's the new year man... i still don't get it... defiance.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:52 PM

30hrs + w/o sleep. hell, i'ma machine man! i wonder wat drove me to have so much energy to dong so long... boy i miss my bed so much... but the highlight goes to my 1 & only football club that i support - Manchester United - glory man utd, wat a brilliant game that i dint regret watching. feels great to be man utd fan. 10man win over gunners 4-2 at highbury.... oh ya, before i end this post & get some sleep. wth is Tera & ATB? pls come clean with urself. i hate hunting.... thanks. nites.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:07 AM

not a very gd word to use; but i'll still say it. FUCK MAN! this is killing. no use listening to all my songs i have now... no use drinking... no use smoking... simply no use in anything... everyone loves to be in control. so do i. but i'm useless at controlling things beyond my reach... i'm not a saint neither a sinner. i just wanna live my life as it seems... however i dun have the balls to do anything... why is this happening.... is it so important? on the other hand, what is it that i'm after about? does the saying "why ask when u know the answer?" applying to me? knn. how i wish i can just have a waterfall & a flaminglambo straight down my throat & sleep throughout the night...

"baby don't go, i feel so sad, i can't trust love anymore..."

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 6:52 PM

1st of February. it feels like fire & ice combined. hot... cold... i can't control nor contain it anymore... sooner or later... it has to come out...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:08 PM