J e r e m y R y a n

27th of April. the end of the month is coming. it's been 6 days since i passed my driving & everyday i've been driving around, just to familiarize myself with sg roads & to drive my family, bros, her & frds around. yup, driving is fun but also tiring. worst of it all is that the petrol is killing man. or is it because i tua too much? hmm... looking forward to driving other cars, get the "feeling". oh well, this week is the study week actually, but for me, is my early HOLIDAY. fuck man, had enough of sch & its food & its ppl there. but, as usual, in SG, no paper = ki chia oh well, as i said before a hundred & 1 times, i yearn a happy life, not a materialistic one. yes, i dun deny i have dreams, stay in a warm & cosy house, with own pool, sky garden, settled down with the women I love, giving my kids things I never had at their age, drive my Evolution, have cash... ya this are dreams. I believe Dreams are Reality & wishes will finally come true at a point of time. that's y my wish to be with her forever will eventually come true... this is based on the effort & work i put in. I trust up there can see it. Dint realised the person I'll be fightning against has the same name as me. He's called CD-R. While I'm called Jeremy Ryan. I guess this would be my Biggest Adversary ever in my life. He is the only thing standing between WHAT I FIGHT FOR. i've always been a fighter, but with u standing there, i dunno wat to do. How should i approach this fight... of all names, why RYAN. its like rage against myself. but, nevertheless, loving u is wat i'm clear & certain of. No Regrets only thing I will lose, is U. pride is not a factor here. i'm willing to give it up... i guess all ur frds can see & have an idea wat is going on here. my frds on the other side also can see how true i am to u. i never took this as a game. i repeat, NEVER I'm serious about u.

here's a few songs i reco as usual. listen to the lyrics or check it up, if u dun get it.

William So - Nan Ren Bu Gai Rang Nu Ren Liu Lei
Daniel Chan - Zhun Wo Ai Ni
Andy Lau - Ni Shi Wo De Nu Ren
Jordan Chan - Wo Ai De Ren
Wu Bai - Yi Shen Zui Ai De Ren
Baby - Ai Qing Bu Neng Zuo Bi Jiao
Jacky Cheung - Xin Ru Dao Ge

want the songs? msg me in msn. gladly send u w/o any queries.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 5:31 PM

just woke up... went to sch early for my IT 1819 DMD common test, prolly the chances of passing is very slim cause i'm like smoking the whole paper as usual. dunno y so tired again... its like i'm doing nothing for the past few days... but i guess is the matters of the heart... this situation i'm in now is very real & i wish to continue it... 11 mini tofus, 2 huge tofus, 1 cookie monster pez, 1 elvis bean & 1 elmo to go along with the gang.. absolutely fantastic... however my mind seems to run into alot of directions at times... perhaps i'm just thinking too much, but i cant help it. questions that drives me crazy always come into my head... currently, i think i'm kinda asking for more, but is it wrong to? thats y i have my own Q & A session inside my brain everytime. but i guess everything will come naturally... i just hope she can understand & see the picture that i'm creating for her!... got a ticket for not putting a coupon at cine opposite the carpark although she asked me to put one... lol $30... while doing vertical parking, dunno wat i doing also, hit the bumper. lol. wats next? but so far so gd... nothing serious happened yet... but i'm kinda prepared if any shit goes wrong. Accidents do happen. I'm waiting for it to. neway, 4 guys have already sat in moi Nissan Sunny 1.6 Manual 2 bros, James, KC. thank god none of them complained anything serious. hiaks ;) i would like to maintain fetching 1 girl only. & that's her. front seat. meaning, 2 of us. Dawn of the Dead was interesting. at least vivian left a deep impression in her mind. ROFLMAO. ok... dunno when my blog will be visited again by peeps, here's a msg for all my "supporters" *like real sia.* - My exams coming, but honestly i dun give a fuck to it compared to my life that is more important. I'll still be the same guy that u ppl know can always come find me anytime. ok now, back to nua... ps: ur Qoo is waiting for u.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:15 PM

I PASS MY CLASS 3 TRAFFICE POLICE TEST!!! 1st attempt. OH YEAH BABY! U FEEL ME? 18points on the dot. Abrupt lane change twice - 8 points. Incorrect positioning - 2 points. Proceed on Amber - 8points. haha. amber i chiong still... dunno y...maybe kan jiong. But anyway, I pased it. Can drive around legally now. Thank God. brought along her gifts, Elvis Bean & Lego Key. kinda calmed me down... thank you too. hugz & kisses.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 4:40 PM

Happy 47th Birthday Dad!! hope u like the present i got you. nice chocolate cake right? we all know u love chocos. Thanks for being there for me for the past 19yrs. i hope our dad-son relationship becomes stronger & stronger as the years come. I will always remember all the stuff u taught me from young. All ur principles in life have made me who I am today. Blogging while eating the cake now. U will love it too. Just really wanna say a huge THANKS DAD! for everything. I LOVE YOU

13hrs time is my Traffic Police Class 3 Test. yes, i'm fucking nervous. i'm not a born winner in life. but i wanna pass it for the first time. make myself proud of something at least. i'll remember wat my "gan ma", michael, hong, senior ong & all the malay instructors that taught me. u ppl made me learn more in life besides driving alone. thank you. i owe u guys alot. thanks for teaching me all the bits & pieces of driving & at the same time part & puzzles of life that a young teenager like me have to go through. i look up to u instructors, my teachers. thank you. God Bless Me, May I Pass My Test Tmr.

i wanna thank also to those ppl that i treated truly & honestly. Bros, dun say i neglected u all. Dun ever feel that way ok. Its not about bachelor life or wat. Yes we 3 know we are destined to be loners. I know. But how am i to explain to u, wat am i feeling for her now. Sorry Bros if i made u guys feel that way... thanks shu xian, mei - sze hui for helping me with my sch work. thanks classmates out there for offering a helping hand in this. i took u guys for granted i think, i'm sorry. all i can say is thank you.

now is for the person i have never love so much before.once in a lifetime... i got to know u... been through so many things with u, yet i still took u for granted & showed my attitude to u. y did i ask such a question - WAT AM I TO U? i lost my head. the msges that followed tore my heart into pieces. seeing ur reply to me almost got me BROKEN DOWN. I AM SO SORRY. i'm human afterall, i'm trying so hard to sacrifice & change, but all u can say is NOT WORTH IT. y must u say that to me... deep down u know it urself, I LOVE YOU. i remember the msg u sent me, [ no one falls in love by choice, its by chance. no one stays in love by chance, its by work. no one falls out of love by chance, its by choice.] Ok, i'll take it its by chance that I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU. ya, i'm WORKING VERY HARD NOW for us to STAY IN LOVE. but the hardest thing that hit me was that U rather CHOOSE to fall out of it. I DUN WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. u dun have to break my fall, dun have to say things to divert my attention. I told u from the start. I place u on TOP because U are IMPORTANT TO ME. i just dun understand why u cant feel it... it hurts so bad. As long i can make u Happy, make u Smile, make ur Heart Contented, i dun regret anything. Thanks for everything too, like u always say. I MISS YOU.

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 8:50 PM

as i said, time flies. my IT1820 Electrical Fundamentals common test is tmr. havent study a single shit for it though. couldnt care less to be honest. 5 more days... the countdown is getting nearer & nearer. yes bros, understood wat u guys plan. i also hope the plan comes true. Mount Faber here we come! the world out there is too big for anyone to gobble it up. no one knows wat will happen next time. only god knows who, when, why, where, what & how. the 5 wives & 1 husband logic. got a feeling this update of mine will be very rojak dunno y leh... like very compressed. installed the blow off valve liao, to get rid of the pressure built in.

$ topic. hopefully my income will grow again cause just heard from my dad that GainCity sales is back & that means BMT is back for we bros again. lots of shit happened when always we work there. mostly the shit moulds our brotherhood to be stronger... all the Sweat, Stench, Smoke, Starvation, Slack technically sums up our workplace. feels gd to work with my bros once again, work with those seniors again... theres always something new to learn everyday, being it in work or sch or home. lastly, the ultimate satisfaction is to earn my own keeps & spending it wisely & meaningfully... :)

Ang Kong topic. I have told my designer Miss Dot Neo that my right leg is fully hers to design & maintain. ever since jeremEy's creation, I found out that he's been so lonely. thats his life, just like his owner. Isolated, Cold, Lonely, Life & Love less. However, now he's 1 very happy kartoon, living there on the right... as my designer promised, a partner will be created & background all of these just a nice picture. I'm dying to see the outcome of this huge picture. let me dream tonight.

conclusion coming soon.... i just dun wanna think of all the fuck that might come & hit me so hard... actually i wanna fuck care everything & just rot away like a log. but i found out, now there's somebody out there whom i'm loving so seriously & strongly. she's the one who's herself with me, go through stuff with me... it kinda shook my mind when there were 2 point of views to the situation i'm in. 1 said - he's very dumb & stupid to still persist on w/o any success at all. i dun see why i cant wait. I WILL cause I WANT YOU BAD . another 1 said - i see no point of backing off, watever he's done is true & sincere. firstly, thanks for the both POVs. here's wat i gotta say now.

we both know, the trust is not there 100% yet... but watever i said so far is real. i mean it. when i told u things i do or never do, its all true. if not, emotions will be a word w/o no meaning. i like it when u are true to me cause the feeling of getting it back is always good. i guess its just the little n simple things i can offer to u for now which might make u feel contented being with me. tried to ignore u for a day, but it only made me feel like fuck. cant control my feelings for you. i wish i can have the chance to tell u how much i love you. i like the way u are, everything about you. i lost part of my life out there, & u completed it... love you.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:39 AM

just felt like updating my blog out of a sudden. no particular reason. firstly 8 more days to my TP TEST. I NEED ALL THE LUCK & SKILLS of course to pass it first time... I WANT MY CLASS 3!!! then can fetch my family go run errands, always let my dad go, he's getting old. manual car very tiring. but the thing is, he has pro skills which i need him to impart me, hopefully he will change to an Mitsubishi Evolution GSR for me... but that's actually asking the impossible. But given me any car once i pass i'm contented already. Our Nissan Sunny Super Saloon is still kicking in good condition but only thing is that 1.6L abit too slow... Need at least 2.0++ to make ppl pi bo yan just for the xtra pickup & speed.

back to sch... felt so weird after the long weekend break for me... thanks my "mi shu" aka secretary in sch for helping with my Java Assignments. heng got her to help me with my projects & lab... THANKS AH! fuck man... gonna end of semester meaning exams akan datang. better pia... surely i can jaga my life with studies right? hmmm i think so too. Lets see wat projs left. Multi Comp, Java, Semestrial all done. Now for the DMD & ENTREPRENUERSHIP one... DMD really tao tia knn... but bo bian... wanna go yr 2 must do all these.

1. Body: Sleep with or without clothes on?
Boxers or Naked better

2. Prefer black or blue pens?
Black.

3. Dress up on Halloween?
Depends on the weather

4. Like to travel?
Yup, but see who's along & have $ anot.

5. Like someone?
Like? Can say Love?

6. Does he/she know?
Defintely!

7. Sleep on your side?
Yup

8. Think you're attractive?
Don't really think so.

9. Want to marry?
See fate permits me.

10. Who?
Refer to Q9.

11. Are you a good student?
Hell no.

12. Are you currently in a relationship?
Am I? I dunno. 50/50?

13. Are you involved in sports?
Duh!

14. Birthplace?
Mount E, SG

15. Christmas or Halloween?
Can I have both? I love holidays

16.Colored or black-and-white photo?
See who's in it.

17. Do long distance relationships work?
It takes 2... :)

18. Do you believe in astrology?
A little.

19. Do you believe in God?
Yes.

20. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Refer to Q17.

21. Do u consider urself the life of the party?
Nah, dun think so.

22. Do you drink?
Everything.

23. Do you have a car?
Dad's car.

24. Do you have a confider?
Surely.

25. Do you make fun of people?
Sometimes... LOL

26. Do you think dreams eventually come true?
It does come true.

27. Fave thing to do?
Being with the person I Love

28. Fave breakfast food?
Anything on the table.

29. Fave Candy?
All the cold/menthol sweets, Fisherman, Halls.

30. Fave Vacation spot?
Any beach.

31. Favorite body part of the opposite/same sex:
Opposite sex: Neck
Same sex: Legs

32. Favorite cartoon?
X-Men.

33. Go to the movies or rent?
Both can do.

34. Have you ever moved?
Constantly on the move.

35. Have you ever stolen anything (from a store)?
Its been kinda long since I last stole something.

36. How's the weather right now?
H O T

37. Hug or kiss?
Of course 2

38. Last person you talked to on the phone?
She.

39. Last time you showered?
Last night? ROFLMAO

40. Loud or soft music?
Both.

41. McDonalds or Burger King?
Burger King of course!

42. More romantic; baths or showers?
As long there's water in it? ;)

43. Night or day?
See the weather.

44. Number of Pillows?
1 or more.

45. Piano or guitar?
None.

Lovely Monday I had. No sign of the Blues at all for me. Finding Nemo was great for starters. Followed by IndoMee - Mee Goreng (Dry). Then a little rest before we hit the roads to Orchard... It was 99% perfect to me, only that 1% was the weather. I dunno wtf actually happened, kinda hit me very hard towards the end... *melting* HOT SIA how nice for both of us to guess it right for the Blythe Doll. Those words still ringing in my head... "u made my day" thank god i did. Love Ya

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 6:58 PM

oh man... my 3rd tattoo is done. 1 word. Beautiful thats all i can describe it. poisonous dart frog? lol. once its totally healed, then my uncle gerrard will decide on the after colours. my left ankle's kinda swollen now... but its all good. 1 Original Drawing from dot, 1 orca mod & 1 frog both mod by gerrard. wats next baby? but worst part is that once again my mom's back from jarkata. she bought me some good shit clothes man! worst part is she dont even know about my froggy. the best excuse i can think of is that the frog is along with the orca. ROFLMAO. should i be laughing? hmmm i also dunno. but wat the fuck man. its done. nuff said. cant wait to finish a design to accompany my poor jeremey . perhaps some stars? colour? not sure too... but i was thinking of the J E R E M Y R Y A N coiling around it... we shall see eh? ;)

now for the fucking shit problem. my comp's screwed with a WORM inside. knn. internet connection is so screwy. comp's so laggy. wat can i ask for man? i cant use microsoft word, cant type in GB. FUCK this shit. TOTO & 4D might help... :D new comp, tv, ps2, bed frame & so much more others... oh ya.. the long awaited nokia 7200. KEWLEST shit on earth right now i think for me. time i should change a phone... VGA camera, 65K colours & stuff. but all this materials need CASH. we're talking about cash here. how on earth to find it man... oh well, fate will decide i hope.

the icing of the cake is here... sch's gonna end real fast in a blink of an eye. exams, test, projs pilling up. gotta get serious, but will i? *winks* tp test in 10days time... had enough of the public transport shit. PLS let me pass for the first time. dun have to be single digits demerit points. just below 18 will do... :)

however the real part of my blog update is... things come & go. we move on day by day. good things last or not is up to U to decide. not anyone else. but there are always some stupid factors that always turn the tables on u. in other words, the joke's on u even though u think is not. everyone hates that feeling. c'mon lets be real here. who wants to be left out, alone,
no love, poor... this are all the tests in life i guess. this is wat makes a person think & mature over the events. no one has a single clue about anything that happens actually. like for the past 19yrs, it always rain on Good Friday. morning session once, noon 1 more... who can explain? i guess no one but high up there. ya, certain things happen for a reason. but come to think of it, most thing dont. sigh. seeing her like that doesnt make me feel any better too. although i'm not mr perfect or god, i wanna try to make the best out of everything. putting in the extra 1% effort helps. going the extra mile always makes
u & the party feels much better. Life is Tiring but u can always eat snake mah. relak one korner. u dun always have to pia & pia non-stop. sometimes 1 should just take a break from the world. live w/o internet, hp u know... just U & I. how lovely.

alrighty, gotta wake up in 4hrs time, SFX here i come. ps: looking forward to catch the movie - Into The Mirror with U. YA U! wanna make another perfect day for u. free of any problems.

Reco Song. Manchester United - Glory Glory Man Utd

u know why? even though they might not win anything. its the club i've been supporting since i'm a kid. always will. just like everything else i do. once i make up my mind, its fixed. i will get it done... :) cheers.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:41 AM

sigh... after realising... my yr 1 sem 2 is coming to an end... more like i'm coming to an end. it feels like i'm a failure in life somehow... not wanting to study... bumming around... nua kia... common test & exams & sch are nothing but a chore to me. see all those msges from my tag board... i dunno whether to be happy that they are happy for me.... u know why? cause i'm seriously putting my heart & soul on the line... i'm not that lucky as what my bro feels. lucky in a way ya, it was my fortune to know such a girl like her to light up my life... but at the same time unlucky because... haiz.. :( i remember what my frd mr chiam said to me before... the status he encountered was kinda similiar as me. ppl assume & think we are happy or wat... no one knows we actually are not bgr... or those fucked up shit... being unfair to u... yes chiam, i got ur point. i understand how happy u were in that situation but actually torment too.

all the chinese songs are lingering in my head... all the lyrics saying, "the girl i love is not my girl", "knowing i will regret but i still went ahead", "u love me more but i cant give it up for you", "meeting u too early was just somehow or rather bad", "gave everything i have but not demanding a gd return".

but i'll keep to my words & mind... i can see me loving nobody but you... i'm so amazed by whatever u do or say to me... 3Cs that i think is important - Care, Concern, Commitment. i find these 3Cs are so hard to find in life... let me put what i wanna say in an author's view. There's no such thing as I wanna be fair to u, being cruel now, hurting u now is better than later. Doing things U dun wanna do DEEP DOWN INSIDE is the WORST PART OF BEING ALIVE. No one have to feel obligated to anyone. No one owns anyone anything. Saying things like dun wait for me, there's no chance are nothing but decieving urself. I just dun understand y humans are like that. Being an animal certainly makes me ponder a little more. Example; if your dog wants u to sayang him.... he will go to ur leg sratch it, lick ur face, make noise at u to attract ur attention. Because the doggy knows wat he wants. However for a human. When u start treating another party gd, they will say, dun treat me so gd. I'm not worth it. I might hurt you. all this fucked up crap. Until now, there are such things as divorces around because they made a mistake & because of the sake of continuing it without being happy makes both fustrated. I wont deny i screwed up myself in alot of situations already. For example, i take my frds for granted & regretted. I took kindness for weakness. So i told myself, i cannot afford to lose anybody close, important to me anymore. My family, My bros, My gd frds. THE GIRL I LOVE TRULY HONESTLY WHOLE HEARTEDLY Finally found her. Dun wanna ever lose her... i will never know what is she thinking, but i feel its my part to tell her clearly I LOVE HER. I'm SERIOUS. Tired of hearing those words like, "i'm not good enough for you", "there are better ppl out there", "i'm not worth it".... GIVE URSELF & US A CHANCE.

what i'm saying doesnt apply to me only. this goes out to everyone out there who dun dare to love. Life is short my frds, take ur chances well. Dun screw up anything. Dun care about wat ppl say. As long it makes u happy. The passion is there. go ahead. But, dun ever lie about anything. U will only get the fake back if u lie.

lastly, barriers in life are created by urself. only u have the power to knock it down & be who u are, do what u want, feel wat u feel. family & frds can advice u, but cannot help u break the obstacles in life that everyone has to go through. By far i dun cry for anything or anyone so easily. However she can make me cry for her no doubt. Is this heaven's will? No one knows cept up there. I sincerely pray to Jesus, God, Mary mother, Holy spirit - How bad, how a fucker i was or i am, pls give me the chance to love somebody without holding back... if i can do that before anything happens, i think i'm more than contented. *amen*

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:29 AM

This song is for you... I would like to sing it to u one day if i have the chance...

It's late in the evening
She's wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up
And brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright
And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight

We go to a party
And everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady
That's walking around with me
And then she asks me
Do you feel alright
And I say yes, I feel wonderful tonight

I feel wonderful
Because I see the love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize
How much I love you

It's time to go home now
And I've got an aching head
So I give her the car keys
She helps me to bed
And then I tell her
As I turn out the light
I say my darling, you were wonderful tonight
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight

17days more to my TP test... how am i feeling? nervous? hope i can pass it first time. dun care single digit or wat... i just want my class 3... came back early from chinablack... dint really enjoy it... without u baby, dun feel anything... recorded my puke for a couple of years now... ever since weijie's bday... although i drank little & puke little... the question boils down, "why did i puke?" i dunno y... something part of me is not there... but whatever the case is, u are my everything... gotta sleep now, church tmr... to everyone who know me out there, thanks for the support & advices... i owe all u guys one, all my bros, close frds... u want me to be happy, so do i...i found my happiness, just that a perfect couple, but not in the perfect situation i guess... zzz...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 1:49 AM

a forwaded email i got. Personality Discovered Through Sleeping:

If you sleep on your back with your arms and legs spread out straight, it shows that you are a free spirit! You love your independence. And, you love to gossip! You also don't brood over things too much. You are laidback and don't get tense easily - which is a good thing. In addition, you enjoy the luxurious things in life, and are a spendthrift. But, thankfully, your optimistic attitude helps you along the career ladder, and you probably earn a lot as well. you definitely are capable of it - now for my view. i dun think i'm a optimist. spendthrift not really, gossiper? nah... but free spirit & independence, VERY. So... what are you?

Most people forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. I have given all my love to someone. Not planning to hold back or regret. I WILL DO WHAT I HAVE TO. The greatest distance is not of heaven or earth, or hell or clouds, but it's when i'm standing in front of you, and i can't say I LOVE YOU.

anyway... 6 hrs more, i've to be in ELQ. so... gonna doze off now, if i can... had a great time with james, kc, denise today after sch... my $ is spent worthwhile. $ can be earned back or saved back. but happiness & sorrow cant. nitey nites.. :D *drooling*

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 2:57 AM