J e r e m y R y a n

why i drink so much, also dun feel drunk or tired or seh? i can continue drinking every night yet i dun feel the shagness in me... so weird... part of me tells me to stop drinking, cause i suspect my liver's fucked. so contradicting... at the moment while blogging, i feel like having a sip of bourbon once again... kns no more bottles left... lazy open marteh. jd or jim beam still better. fuck, i need a drink man. speaking of which, i'm going out liao. bye.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 12:08 AM

this whole entry is gonna be ME MYSELF & I. its gonna be super self-scented, selfish shit. lets start things out by talking about the weekend. i was damn touched by my bros on saturday. the first thing was when alf asked ben hows was things between me & someone. fuck man. i was super touched when i heard that. only my bros & real true frds showed care & concern for this LAN JIAO LANG over here. i wanted to know wtf is wrong with, i asked so many ppl... what bad habits, wat fucking attitude do JR have? i seriously do not know a single shit. y are "FRIENDS" of mine fucking BACK STABBING ME? knn, got thing say in front of me la. tell me FACTS. dun tell me assumptions. tell me like; JR u got a fucking walking attitude problem. tell me, u fucking smoke too much. tell me u fucking drink too much. tell me that i'm a fake person. tell me i wear too many mask. ok. lets be real.

yeah i think i wear mask myself. i wear diff mask always. y? cause i dunno wat i do is right or wrong. honest. give u a scenario. when ppl talk about a topic i have no clue about, i always stfu & listen. yet some ppl can still say, "Eh cb, attitude ah? y never talk?" WTF IS WRONG LOR? i have no opinions n clue about this topic, obviously i wear my silent mask n keep quiet. right anot? if the topic was about cars, this n that. yeah i have something to talk about. but i'll see when the fucking time is right for me to open my mouth n talk. u dun tell me wat auto car cannot drop gear to power up all this. i'll fucking FUCK U up. cause i play auto car until sian liao. u tell me facts i talk to u about facts. i've been told that JR got a attitude prob, likes to look down on ppl, likes to show off. wtf do i have to show off about? who am i to look down on ppl? yeah prolly if i have a evo & i'll fucking look down on everybody. is it wrong? 1 fucking lj family car, ack here ack there, talk so much balls for wat? do u have the STUFF to? i'll prolly let u smell some of my petrol then. i seriously dunno lor, wtf is ur problem? it is the same case with gaming. u think u so fucking gd, y do u keep getting killed by ME!? after that when i fucking laugh at u, u say i'm being a show off. YEAH I AM SHOWING OFF cause I CAN FUCKING OWN U FLAT. really mah, if u think u're that great, prove to me la. or else SHUT THE FUCK UP. y must say i ack? when u started this shit first. ya i'm proving a point. the point is i'm fucking better than u. i dun deny 1 moutain taller than 1. so wat? matter of fact is, i dun fucking agree with ur point lor

i've got this frd who say he can drink, never get drunk. y that day when we drink, u fucking flip ur cup over? y tell everyone u can drink but when u face me, u cant? i got frds who say they cant drink, i spare a thought i pour them soft drinks. cause they are honest. when i dun feel like drinking, i will tell u too. i today not in the mood. I DUN GO AROUND SAYING EVERY FUCKING DAY I CAN DRINK NON STOP HAVING THE MOOD. but u, y must u ack in front of me? KNN Y SO BEY GAN? yah i'm showing off now. i'm saying i'm a great drinker. so wat? prove to me u're better lor. those ppl working at pubs, clubs, SUPPOSEDLY GOD-LIKE in cai quan, lose to me n keep quiet. i also just laugh it off. i dun feel anything. yet i've a fucking frd who says he can drink. HOW MUCH U CAN DRINK I DRINK WITH U. ccb, after that see if u can drive home or die home. ya now i'm fucking XIA LAN. i'm fucking showing I AM A BASTARD. it a fact. I CAN FUCKING DRINK N DRIVE. CAN U? so is it right? or isit wrong once again? am i being a show off that i can drink n drive? or because i always drink with frds n i dun expect them to fucking take a cab home. when i can drive them home & those frds respect n know n trust their lives in me. petrol now $2 bucks a litre but because I PAISEH. so i fetch them home. ya no one is obliged to do anything for anyone, yet i do. knn so isit wrong?

i think everything connected someway or another. when my lancer get poked at by faster 1.6cc cars. i also just relax n keep my own speed. ppl say this ppl say that. knn. u drive the same car as me, we play corner lor. simple. dun because u having a bigger cc or a modded car u wanna out run on a straight road. u feel proud? the chick beside u getting a climax? u're gonna cum? wah lan eh. i always know ppl love to talk shit about me behind my back. but tell me FACTS once again. tell me things that are real. dun tell me stupid stuff. wat is wrong being a gentleman?

i show care n concern to someone. yah i dun expect a return. is it wrong to be there for someone when i can? wat i have, i give, wat i dun, i try. nabei. ppl can just laugh n suan siao me. i dun care. rumours have always circled me. i dun give no fuck. but bottemline, i'm following my principles, my goals in life. no matter how LAN JIAO LANG i am, with a girl, i always try to be my best. so is it wearing another FUCKING MASK? IS IT BEING FAKE? havent i always treat women with respect? if not WTF AM I STILL A FUCKING VIRGIN? how many fucking times i had chances to FUCK BITCHES. i can always go geylang but i dun whore around. i dun go for ONS, i dun have a SP. cause i have my own fucking principles. i will only fuck u call this, or make love to someone i love n she loves me back... sadly there's no such thing in the world nowadays. so is it right? or should i jsut fuck around? i can if i want to. but for wat? i dun see the meaning in doing this...

all i want is to have a girl beside me that i will commit n give my everything to, 1 phone call, i'll be there. whereever u want me to. whenever u want me to. the trust, the commitment, faith is all there. ya i'm a JIAO LANG. i treat ppl like fuck, i dun give a shit to others whom i dunno. but wtf is wrong with that? TELL ME WTF IS WRONG? give me FACTS. dun say great things about "oh.. u shouldnt be like tthis, must respect ppl, must be nice" KNNBPCCB. a whole load of BULL. get this? BULL FUCK SHIT. give u another example. i played billiard with this person once at my home ground golden mile. after the game, when someone asked him hows the match, he said "oh, never play points" meaning no win no lose. FUCK. BE HONEST LA. say HOW FUCKING WELL I THRASHED UR FUCKING ASS. y? in front of ppl, u scared sia sway cause they know u're "THAT" gd in pool? first time play with a person (MEANING ME) who thrashed ur fucking ass so badly? i think play 3 games, all 3 games i WHOOPED UR ASS. last game, half way ask someone take over while u play pool with the chick? KNN FUCKING BEY GAN. so wat is wrong again? am i being TOO COCKY? or must i just be humble n let the fucker walk all over me? AT LEAST I AM BEING HONEST TO MYSELF LOR.

ppl ask me, how ur lancer? i say ITS A FUCKED UP DRINKER CAR. useless. I ADMIT & BE HONEST. i dun say its as gd as an evo. WHY? CAUSE I HAVENT DRIVEN ONE FUCK HEADS. i dunno how gd a evo is. i like evos, doesnt mean next time when i can afford one, after a test drive, i might not buy one right? cb. ME BEING HONEST IS A FUCKING LIABILITY. to my bros, close frds yeah, i'm honest in front of them. i cannot, i dun want, i say out. i dun ack as if i'm a SAINT, i'm MR PERFECT. ccb. wat pukes me is i dunno wtf should i do nowadays. cb. yet ppl think i'm fake, i look down on ppl... KNN. i try hard to be myself, but fucking hell, ITS NOT FUCKING EASY TO PLEASE EVERY MOTHER FUCKER OUT THERE!!!

WAH SIBEI DULAN the more i think of it. can turn left/right or go straight. sometimes i end up reversing. PEK CHEK. wat more can a JIAO LANG do? when i show care n concern, its wrong. when i dun give a fuck its right. everything also opposite. when i dun talk, try to keep quiet. ppl say i act cool la, lai ang. KNNBPCB. wat U PPL WANT? go around, smile n hi to everyone, but deep down only have 1 motive, to fuck the chick? to get laid? to be Mr Popular? JR is being honest when he talks to u, when he listens to ur prob, when u have a question. i dun ask for much back, i just hope u APPRECIATE IT. i can drive until so goddamn tired yet when u ask me to be there, i'll be there in a flash. y? I DO IT CAUSE MY PERSONALITY IS LIKE THIS. not because i want u to think i'm a fucking great guy & i wanna fuck ur pussy. GET THIS STRAIGHT. when i dun like it, i'll tell u. u dun my tone, tell me. dun fucking say stupid things behind my back. is it so hard to really like someone n love someone? gratitude man...

i can proudly say i'm fucking lucky n i thank god for my parents who fucking treats me so well, my bros who are there for me when i need them, my close pals who lend a ear, give gd advices when JR is down. without these ppl, I AM NOTHING. I M JUST A WALKING ZOMBIE like Land of the Dead zombies. they always show me the light when total darkness surround me. they find those FACTS faults in me. i really appreciate it bros. i just dun wanna go on wearing masks when i'm with different ppl. but sadly the fact is, everyone is like that. haiz. i cant go on. my fucking fingers is numb. mentally i'm fucked badly. physcially, i've lost a little weight. surprisingly she noticed it. of course u can, cause the reason is U. *ARGH* WTF SHOULD I DO????????!!!!!!!!

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 5:08 AM

there are many faults in me without a shout of a doubt i dont deny. yes i know i'm a heavy smoker & drinker. i drink n drive, i swear alot... yet i've been trying to cut down on everything. i know there's no one perfect out there. lets put in terms of BGR. perhaps i dunno if i'm too possessive, over care n concern... every single time, i encounter this... wtf is wrong with me? could someone just tell me. be like my brolls, anything just say come out. be frank & open with me... what is the end result gonna be? i live by the principle, u get wat u give. yet i know its kinda impossible in this world. no one will get back whatever they give. in this world, u just have to continue giving n giving until u drop dead. its so contradicting at times when i look back. i have learnt that theres no logical explanation for anything we do. to what extend should we do this? should we do that? must we just close 1 eye in everything? i kinda cant live with it... if things are so simple, then its really not called life. had a few beers just now, had some feedback from my "uncle"... absorbed some points, rejected some points. i found out after so long, i'm still immature. i never learn from my mistakes... i dun wanna go back to JR 99-00. must i really be a jiao lang to survive in this world? someone pls fuck me up hard. depressed.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 3:30 AM

its benn 3 months or so. theres still alot things missing in me... how can i describe this? part of me tells me not to, the other wants me to say everything i'm feeling down about. my mind's a complete blank today at Momo. yeah there were chicks, but so wat? most of JR wasnt in Momo... my mind was in Dbl O. i never like it when my mind drifts when i'm out. i'm afraid nothing will will end up even though i wait. its national day. so fast. august. i havent accomplish anything according to my standards. have i become a better man? more of a gentleman? a complete idiot? another loser in love? honestly i dunno. frankly speaking, i've done what most normal guys havent... i've tried every single way to be myself... to be honest, genuine; free from hypocrisy or dishonesty; sincere.

god, save me. show me the light. nites. where are you...

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 6:22 AM