Monday, October 23, 2006

just bathed... tmr's hari raya & i dint have a half day in fyp... jokes? haiz... man, 21 already yet still wandering aimlessly in this planet... its like...

i would do anything, cut down on my smokes, cut down on hokkien, cut down on all the KNNBPCBs, cut down on drinking, cut down on late nights, cut down on clubbing; almost everything u hate about and even change myself just to get your approval... just complete this, gives me the ultimate stress... every single thing i did or planned to do is so damn stressful, coz i have to think about u & your reaction thereafter... why la... i dun like to stress myself out in front of the peeps i know, coz to everyone, JR's a happy go lucky guy. when i need someone to talk to or just chill, there's no one there, coz no one can give a proper solution unless he or she is in the similar shit i'm in. i think just typing this out, makes me feel like 10% better? why always this sentence that my dad said to me appear in my head; "life is unfair, look at your 5 fingers, are they the same length?" ya life's a bitch n unfair, but this has totally, absolutely nothing to do with wat i'm doing... fyp's not on my mind now even though i know i might just fuck it up coz i'vent been doing anything constructive for the past 8 weeks. 1 month more... cant afford to fail it... after fyp, its my IAP. attachment. well, if i get lucky (passing fyp) i hope i get into a happy go lucky company too. the 3 months of cheap labour is going all into my Koh Samui trip... cant wait honestly... next month's my bro's 22nd bday i'll defintely return the present he got for me... bro, trust me, ben & i will give u something special...

back to the problem i was talking about... i dunno how long can i be in denial n hide... i think talking to my godma aint gonna help a single bit...remember, JR aint a rapist, a murderer or a convict or whatsoever... i'm still human afterall despite all the hidden emotions in me... fuck, i hate to stress myself out because of this issue. its really adding on to my white hair... knn.

posted by Jeremy Ryan @ 7:16 PM